Pop! My Bubble Burst!

Before my son came into my life, I used to take a long whirlpool bath full of lightly scented bubbles while playing my favorite CD loud enough to drown out the sound of my own singing at least once a week That was the best stress buster I have ever found! After 4 years of being a Mommy, one night I decided I needed to do just that. Please God I prayed, at least one more time before my son turns eighteen and hopefully goes away to college!

My husband graciously agreed to take my son out to play in the snow for one hour. So I raced upstairs and turned on the bath water. My tub is a double size and it takes 50 gallons of water to fill it. After about 10 gallons, the steaming hot water turned ice cold. That never happened before! But I was determined, so I sat on the floor with my back propped up against the tub and waited for the hot water heater to give me more hot water. Every 10 minutes I tried again, and every ten minutes I got another few gallons of lukewarm water.

Forty minutes or more had passed and a friend dropped by for a visit. Thank God it was good news, but my tub water story doesn’t seem to deter her from staying a little longer. It took all the graciousness I had in my entire being not to push her out the door. Finally she left and just as I was about to retreat upstairs, my husband came home with my son. My hour, or his, I’m not sure who’s, was up! I hurriedly told him my story and ran up stairs to the bathroom.

I turned on the music, lit the candles, poured in the lightly scented bubble bath, climbed in the tub of barely lukewarm water, laid down, turned on the whirlpool jets and started singing and who should appear? You guessed it, my son. I think, thank you God, because just the other day he decided he doesn’t like to take baths anymore!

First my son asked me, “What are you doing Mommy?“ so I explained. He was satisfied for the moment and started singing and dancing to my music. Finally he got bored and left the bathroom. Ahhh… I thought, I really am going to enjoy my bath after all. When I emerge I will feel fully relaxed and completely stress free. I can’t wait!

Approximately five minutes later, just when I was starting to get a hint of what feeling relaxed and stress free was like, I hear, “I want to take the bath too Mommy!” I opened my eyes to see my naked son standing beside the tub looking as if I said no, he would surely die. Pop! My bubble burst!

I lifted him into the tub and he scrunched down in the water and walked like a duck all around me in the tub yakking away a mile a minute. Then he proceeded to shake his naked, bubble soaked bottom right in my face! Every little inch of him and his innocence was just so… cute, he sparked that special rush of Mommy love within me and all my stress just floated away

Elaine K Stephen
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Funny Kid Stuff

Things from a child's perspective that will crack you up:

1. NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2. OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3. KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4. MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5. POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?'
'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6. POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7. ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8. DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. '

9. DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10. SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school; 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11. BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'