My First Baby Turns 16 Today!

We are celebrating my oldest child's 16th birthday today. I wrote this account of his birth many years ago, and had it on a web site that I loved. The site shut down without warning, and all of my birth stories were gone. (I had not saved copies of them) I was really sad about this, but just last week I found out about a way that I could possibly find the site archives, and my husband helped me reclaim the birth stories I had written. I am SO thrilled to have these back. Now I can enjoy sharing these with you all, too. :)

My husband and I were married in August 1991 and were thrilled to become pregnant 3 months later. So many people had told us how important it was to wait awhile before having a child, but that just never rang true for us. We believed that children would be a blessing, and we were up for having 'em!

I had been interested in natural childbirth, water birth, and home birth for years. But we were new to our area and knew nobody, had no idea how to go about finding a caregiver who was of the same mind as we were, etc. My job had medical insurance that would pay for 100% of my pregnancy costs, so off we went to the only option that our HMO offered.

It was a group of 4 OBs and a midwife. I had high hopes that the midwife would be available for the birth, but alas, they only allowed her to be a glorified nurse there. She could do a pap smear and take blood pressure, but no births! Oh well.

The pregnancy went along happily and we looked forward to our baby so much. I made out a birth plan that I discussed with each doctor as I rotated through seeing each one of them as the weeks went by. Each doctor that I talked to made an effort to seem like they cared about my wishes, but they always had some sort of little excuse for why what I wanted might not be possible, but of course we could see how it was going at the time and maybe I could have my wishes respected. (example: I do not want an IV. Doctor's response: Being a first baby, your labor will probably be very long and since you will not be allowed to eat, we need to make sure you get nutrients, and that is what the IV has in it. We'll see how things are going at the time, though.)

When I finally went into labor it was at night after a huge storm. It was 6 days after my due date. I had noticeable contractions every 45 min. throughout the night, so I got to sleep in between them. By morning they had gotten to 30 min. apart. When Dave woke up I told him the news and we decided to get some house chores done and get things ready for going to the hospital later that day.

We did regular things, hung out laundry, checked the bags for the hospital, talked on the phone, and so on. By early afternoon my contractions were 5 min. apart, so I dutifully called the hospital, as we had been told to do. The nurse told me that if I continued to have contractions like that or closer for 2 hours to come on in. It had already been 2 hours, but I decided to wait 2 more. After that we went to the hospital, with me making sure to eat dinner before we got there. I didn't want to be starving all night!

Once we got to the hospital we walked in and I was in such a happy mood. Today was the day I was going to meet my baby! I cheerfully walked up to the nurses station and announced "Hi! I'm in labor!" She looked at me as if to say, "Yeah, sure you are." We got into one of the birthing rooms, I changed into a gown, and they put me on a monitor to see what kind of contractions I was having. Funny thing was, once I got in there I wasn't having any! The nurse checked my cervix and it was at 4cm as it had been the previous day at my doctor appt. After awhile on the monitor she said to me that I was not in real labor and to go home. (and I was told they could "tell" that I wasn't really in labor because I was too cheerful!) She explained that in order for contractions to be "real" that my tummy would be rock hard all the way to the top. She told me that I was probably dehydrated, so to drink a lot of water and try to get some rest. This was very puzzling to us since things had been going to perfectly at home! I felt embarrassed to have gone in there when I was all wrong about being in labor, and we left in a hurry.

Interestingly, by the time we got into our car in the hospital parking lot, I was having HARD contractions that were coming every 3 minutes!!! What was going on here?! Before I got to the hospital the contractions were manageable. When I got in there I had no contractions. And when I leave they are much harder and closer together.

My husband asked me if I wanted to go back into the hospital. " NO WAY!" was my answer. Although the nurses had been sort of nice, I felt like a fool and there was no way I was going back in there to be told once again that I was not in labor. So, we started to drive home. Hard contractions every 3 minutes. Of course, having to sit in the car didn't help things feel any better, either!

The nurse had given me a little packet with sleeping pills in it. She told me it would help me relax and get some rest for the night, and that I'd need my rest since my baby would likely be born in a few days. I gave serious thought to just tossing that packet out the car window, but didn't. I don't know why. I guess I was afraid I might regret it or something.

We decided to stop at the craft store on our way home. Since I apparently was not in real labor, I decided to get some cross stitch threads that I needed to complete a project I had been working on. This really cracks me up to think about. Here I was, obvious to anyone in the store who saw me go through a contraction, definitely in labor, but so shaken of my own ability to tell what was going on with my body that I was buying cross stitch thread!

When we got home we found out from some friends that my mom had called (our friends had been at our house washing dishes and trying to spruce things up for our return). My mom, sister, and grandmother had been on their way to visit us and were due in the next day. But when they called and found out that I had gone into the hospital they bumped up their plans and now expected to be at our place that night. Somehow having company that night did not sound good to me, but there was nothing I could do about that by then.

On we went into night, now contractions coming very 2 minutes. My poor sweet husband was sitting next to me reading our dumb birth book, saying to me "According to this you *must* be in real labor!" But I did NOT want to go back to that hospital and be treated like I was stupid. Finally I decided to call the hospital around 11pm. When I said who I was the phone was immediately given to the nurse I had seen earlier that day. (she was just about to leave her shift) She did not even listen to me when I told her that I was having hard contractions that were lasting one minute long and coming every 2 minutes. No sirree. All she had to say was "You were only dilated to 4 when you were in here earlier. You are NOT in real labor. Did you take the sleeping pills I gave you?" I told her I had not and she stressed the importance of me taking these pills and that it would make these pesky fake contractions go away and give me some rest. I was so upset when I got off the phone. I was tired and bewildered. I didn't want to take the pills, but if they were going to get me some relief and some rest, then I guess I better just take them. So I did.

Then I was treated to an even crazier labor. Almost completely asleep in between contractions. And then one would sneak up on me and I would get a very rude awakening. I had no way to cope with these contractions in any effective way. It was terrible.

Then I was going from hot to cold. One minute I was freezing, the next minute I was burning up. I was laying on my couch in front of the air conditioner, mostly naked under a sheet. I'd go from bundling up in the sheet and shivering, to throwing the sheet off of me to get cool. (I know now that I was in transition, but I sure didn't know it then!)

Things got even more interesting as my mom, sister, and grandmother arrived. The neighbors across the street were out of town and had agreed to let our guests stay in their home while they visited us. Dave went out to help them with their bags, and they asked if they could come in for a few minutes to say hi to me. I agreed, and that was a mistake! In they came while I was drugged out on these stupid pills, going through transition, etc. Did I mention that my grandmother had been a labor and delivery nurse a hundred years before this? :) Well, she pushed on my stomach a bit during a contraction (gee, thanks!) and I heard her say to the rest of the people in the room "It'll be at least 20 more hours." Luckily, I did not have the strength to hit her! :) 20 more hours of THIS?! I was going to die!

Then I started wanting to push. I had read about how your cervix can get swollen if you push before you are fully dilated, and I sure didn't want that! So, I fought my body's urge to push for over an hour. Then I decided, "Who cares?" and I just let my body push when I felt the urge. Boy, that sure felt better than fighting myself! Suddenly I felt my water break with a big pop, and I jumped off the couch, so happy to "really" be in labor! I ran to the bathroom to change into some clean underwear and clothing so we could go to the hospital. My grandmother was actually following behind me saying that she needed to smell my underwear (!!!!!!!) to see if it was really my water that had broken! (another person who didn't think I could really be having a baby! Was everyone BLIND?!) I tossed her my underwear and I heard her declare "Urine!" (Yeah, right! I think I can tell the difference, Gram!) We got out of the house in a hurry. I was glad to be out of there.

Dave made the drive to the hospital in record time. I just let my body push when it wanted to. I didn't have the strength to fight it any more. We parked in the parking lot, got out our stuff, and walked in. I had contractions in the parking lot, the halls, the elevator, etc. I just pushed with all of them.

We got to the maternity floor where finally *someone* could see that I was indeed looking like I might be in labor. (not so cheerful any more) Even so, the nurse who was helping me was reminding me that I had "only" been to 4cm earlier so I might still have a long way to go.... (Were these people insane? That was 10 hours ago! As if nothing can change in 10 hours!!!) I got into the bed and the nurse started to check for dilation. This funny look came over her face. She says "Are you feeling like you want to push?" I said, "Yeah. Like, for the past 2 hours!!!" Of course, his little head was already coming down the birth canal!

Amazing! A woman who is not in real labor with a baby coming out of her! And her tummy wasn't even hard during contractions!

Well, the room flew into high gear. Nurses running everywhere, the doctor being called, etc. It was interesting how GREAT I felt at that point. I could push! I really was not crazy! I *was* having a baby! I was even cheerful again!!! :) They had me in a sort of semi sitting, leaning back position. They told me not to push until the doctor got there. (yeah, right) I did my best (big mistake) to wait for him to walk in. "Fortunately" he was right down the hall, so it didn't take long. I had to fight off a nurse who was trying to force an IV on me. I looked up at the doctor and reminded him that I was about to have a baby so did NOT need any "nutrients" at this point. He told the nurse I did not have to have the IV.

I pushed and pushed and every time I stopped his little head would slide back inside me. After a few minutes I realized that the doctor was getting ready to do something. I asked what and he said an episiotomy. I asked if that was really needed and reminded him that I had wanted to avoid one. He said, "Well, you can sit here and keep trying to push this baby out for awhile, or you can have your baby out in about 5 minutes if I do this." At that point with all of the exhaustion and sleeping pills and everything, I did a dumb thing and agreed to the episiotomy. I wanted to have my baby!

(Not a single person offered to help me change positions to get my son out without being cut. I was in no state of mind to think of it myself. It's amazing how one little decision can have such a long-term effect on someone.)

The doctor did the episiotomy, and then out came my precious son! He looked so huge and sturdy to me! I held him right away and felt totally elated! I was high! I felt so powerful! He had been born 20 minutes after we walked in the door.

My son, 8lb. 1oz. 21 inches. 3:38am.

(I just loooove this photo: the first picture of me holding my first baby!)

Thankfully, this hospital was much better than most I have heard of. Nobody was snatching my baby away from me. My husband and I held him and took pictures and just enjoyed him. After a half an hour or so a very kind nurse came and respectfully asked if it would be alright for her to weigh our son and so on. We agreed and Dave went along for that. I got finished up with being stitched, and was taken to my room.

Once I got there a nurse came to help me. I was kind of shocked that she was going to supervise me on going to the bathroom, and that felt like quite an invasion. I was also unprepared for all the bleeding I did, and that was humiliating to do in front of someone I didn't even know and who was not going out of her way to make me feel at ease. Eventually I got into bed with a nice ice pack soothing my sore bottom and the nurse prepared to leave with a casual, "need anything else?" I said that yes, I would really like some water. She kind of looked annoyed that I did actually have something I needed, and looked around as if there was going to be a drink already made up for me. She found a cup and then poured water out of the pitcher that was already in the room! I do not know whose water that had been, but it did not feel too nice to get room temperature water in a dixie cup! When I said I wanted a drink of water, I meant I wanted a BIG DRINK of COLD water! Gee....I just had a baby here! I've been *working* people!!! I'm thirsty! But, the tiny little cup of room temp water was what I got. I don't think I got any cold water until my husband showed up awhile later and got it for me.

We roomed in with our baby and I did not leave him in the stupid plastic box they left for him. The nurses kept bringing sugar water in a bottle for him, and I kept ignoring them. One nurse asked why I wasn't using the bottles and I said it was to avoid nipple confusion, as I had read about in my book about breastfeeding. She gruffly told me there was no such thing as nipple confusion. Ha! I wasn't buying that! I did not give him any of their bottles.

My baby was very sleepy for a few days. Gee, do you think that had anything to do with the sleeping pills I was told to take? Breastfeeding was almost impossible since he would fall asleep whenever I held him. I asked a nurse for help and she watched over my shoulder as I tried to get Micah to latch on. She said, "yeah. Just keep doing that and eventually he'll get it." Boy! That was helpful. (not) So I worked and worked at helping my sleepy son to latch on. When I finally did get him latched I knew it was not quite right, but I wasn't going to take him off the breast once I had finally gotten him there! Later I was scolded by a nurse for allowing him to nurse for more than 5 minutes per side, since I would surely get a big blister from that.

I could go on with a lot more details, but I'll just say that eventually we got home and our little boy did get nursing. I nursed him until he was 3 1/2 years old. He was a happy little soul mate!

After our experience with a hospital birth, we vowed we would not have another. I would never again have an episiotomy, or be treated as if I did not know what my body was doing. Somehow we were going to find a way to have a birth where we were safe and respected! (and that's just what we did the next time around.....tune in next April for the second birth story! ;) )

You Have Control Over Your Birth Experience

You Have Control Over Your Birth Experience by Rayven Perkins

I have given birth to four children, in three different states. Each hospital had different policies and procedures, and each birth experience was unique.

My last delivery, just a few months ago, was to boy/girl twins.

I started my pregnancy with a new-to-me doctor I disliked, who was ready to schedule a cesarean in my first trimester. About halfway through the pregnancy, we moved, and I found an absolutely wonderful doctor. I expressed to him my desire to do everything humanly possible to deliver these twins vaginally. I had never had a c-section before, and really didn't want to have one.

He respected my decision, and agreed to only mention a c-section if an emergency situation occurred.

At the start of my third trimester, I had the opportunity to tour the hospital I was to deliver in. While on the tour, I asked if twin deliveries were required to be in the operating room, which is standard in most hospitals, and the touring nurse said to me, "How else would you have a c-section?" She seemed shocked that I would even consider giving birth to twins in any other way.

On the delivery day, I was able to labor in a birthing room and was transferred to the OR for the delivery only.

I had a normal labor, and they finally wheeled me into the OR. There were about six medical personnel in the room, busy preparing for the delivery and awaiting the doctor. I was concerned that the first baby was on his way out, and kept saying to the nurses "I think the baby is coming", but for the most part, they ignored me. I said this maybe five times. Finally, one nurse told me not to worry, that they would catch him should he decide to make an appearance.

Amidst all this activity, I suddenly had a thought, and announced, "Oh, by the way, under no circumstances whatsoever do I want an episiotomy."

Immediately, the six people in the room froze, and dropped everything they were working on to turn and look at me. So I repeated myself. They looked at me as though I was growing horns out of my head. Finally one nurse told me that she would make sure that the doctor knew.

The delivery went well. The second twin decided to turn breech at the last moment, but my doctor, respecting my decision to do everything possible to avoid a c-section was able to manually turn her. I avoided the episiotomy as well, which proved to be completely unnecessary.

The next morning, as I was walking around trying to regain my strength, I saw several other new mothers sitting on ice packs, moaning and groaning. They had not realized the episiotomy was a choice.

All the nurses who cared for me after the delivery treated me oddly. It was as though I were some sort of celebrity. Finally, one nurse spilled the beans. It seemed that I was the first mother to deliver twins vaginally in that hospital in over ten years.

Ten years.

It amazes me how much hospitals and doctors take certain situations for granted. No vaginal twin deliveries in a decade? How many of those mothers were lead to believe their bodies wouldn't do what came naturally to them? How many of them had unnecessary surgeries, higher risk of infections, and major recover for nothing?

You have a lot more control over the birth of your child in a hospital setting than you are aware of.

--An episiotomy is optional, but if you do not speak up and vocalize your desire not to have one, it may happen to you.

--A c-section is optional in some cases. There are circumstances where it is necessary, but many are done for convenience when other options are available.

--Pain medications and even IVs are optional. If you chose not to have any pain medications, then you do not need to be hooked up to an IV at all.

--Lying flat on your back in a bed is optional. If you do not have an epidural, you do not need to remain in bed through labor and delivery. Feel free to move about, take a shower, and try different labor positions that you would like to get more comfortable.

The birth of your baby should be a happy experience. It should not be one of fear and disappointment. Simply talk with your doctor and hospital staff about your desires. Do this early in the pregnancy. If it seems like your doctor does not take your concerns seriously, find a new doctor.

---

Rayven Perkins is an expert at saving money at home. She has spent 7 years finding and implementing unique cost-cutting tips that allow her family to live comfortably as a one-income family. Her site http://www.stay-a-stay-at-home-mom.com examines resources and tips on Reducing Expenses, Stretching Your Dollar, and Supplementing Income in order to stay a SAHM

It Wasn't False Labor!

Check out this news story about the mom who was sent home from the hospital for being in false labor. She had the baby in her driveway!! Reminded me of my first birth. I was also sent home because I definitely wasn't in labor, according to the nurse. (yeah....8 days past my due date....no way THAT could be real labor, right?!) By the time we went back to the hospital my son was born within 20 minutes of walking through the door, and that was only because I was holding off on pushing to wait for THEM to get their act together. I should have just had him at home!

~Erica

The Business of Being Born

Have you heard about this new documentary that explores the way birth is managed in the USA? Ricki Lake directs in this film that gives a message that people need to hear.

As a mother of six, I have had

a hospital birth with an OB

a home birth of a posterior baby, attended by a lay midwife

a birthing center birth with a certified nurse midwife

a c-section for a premature breech baby and a placental abruption

an unassisted home waterbirth VBAC

a c-section for another placental abruption

Watching the film trailer here I was moved to tears remembering my own birth experiences--particularly the very empowering ones. I was reminded that women are getting ripped off every day with the messages and management of birth in our society. Women are so used to the message that birth is dangerous and that their bodies aren't able to birth without intervention, that they believe the lies and allow their natural rights as women and mothers to be stolen away from them.

At the risk of sounding like a fanatic, I want to tell you this: Women, you are being lied to. You are being told that you are broken and weak. And for the vast majority of you that are forced or convinced into believing this, you may not even know what you are being robbed of. But you are being robbed nonetheless. And it is tragic. Truly tragic.

Take some time to watch this movie. I'm including some videos here, but you can also go to the official web site for more information, including info on local showings all over the world.

Wilmington, NC residents--you have a community showing coming up on Jan. 31. Also, the movie will be available through Netflix in mid-February. Do a search on youtube.com for "the Business of Being Born" and you will find quite a few interviews, etc. to watch.

~Erica

Sadie's Birth Story

My daughter Sadie Lynn was due on May 26, 2007 which was my father's birthday and also the day that my husband purposed to me so that day was pretty significant to us. As it got closer to the due date I was nervous about making sure we were all prepared for her big arrival. We both finished our school finals and due to low blood pressure making me black out all the time I was pretty much stuck at home through out my pregnancy unless my husband Dustin took me out somewhere. Dustin planned to take a motorcycle safety course two days before her due date which I was all nervous we would spend the money on it and then he would have to miss it because I went into labor.

On Thursday May 24, 2007 Dustin had just finished his safety course and was with me until work that night from 5-1 am....and I really wanted to clean the apartment, do laundry, and go grocery shopping. I had this sudden feeling that everything needed to be done. So we did laundry went shopping and did some cleaning. At this point I was very sick of people touching my belly and calling to see if she had been born yet. So while Dustin went to work I invited my friend to come over and hang out for a couple hours. We watched a movie and I started to feel very uncomfortable and sick...I just kept ignoring it though because I thought it was just nerves or some stomach bug. So she left and then Dustin came home on break and I told him I thought I might be having contractions...he said to walk around and take a bath and see how I felt afterward. We had already had one false alarm a month ago so we weren't too sure this was the real thing. I took a bath thinking that would help but it didn't so I called him around 12:30 and he came home. We called the obgyn and the midwife asked how far apart the contractions where. AT this point they were every 5-6 minutes on the dot and pretty campy. Since I had tested positive for Group Strep B she said to come in to the hospital since I would need medicine soon.

With excitement building we packed up and headed out to the car at 1:45am and driving over to the hospital was a exciting and also painful trip since my contractions kept coming every 5 minutes and the bumpy roads did not help. When we got there the nurse checked me and said I was around 2 to 3cm...Yeah!!! I was so nervous they were going to send me home...this was the real thing now! They gave me the medicine through the IV for 20 minutes and monitored the baby for awhile then let me get out of bed which felt great. I did not like laying in bed while in labor. We tried the tub for awhile...but after awhile I got too hot and dizzy and got out. We were both exhausted and it was 2am when we got to the hospital so there was no sleep in the near future. I tried walking a bit but then decided to try a shower which felt nice....around 4am the contractions got closer and we were delighted to hear that after a couple more hours I had dilated to 4cm. I did not like when the doctor did the exams because my cervix was hard for them to find so it hurt a lot and every time I got a contraction I wanted to be left alone.

Then the nurse suggested this big ball to squat on and that was the best idea ever! Dustin rubbed my back and I swayed back and forth on the ball every time a contraction hit...by 7am the pain was getting worse and I was very tired...I started to lose it but then this nurse who was the best nurse I ever met..came in and calmed me down and stayed with me for a long time helping me concentrate on just getting through the contraction. Around 9:30am I was 6cm and was unable to deal with the pain anymore...I was disappointed in myself but the pain just became to much and felt like my hips where being torn apart every time a contraction hit. I also was tried and so was Dustin so I decided to get a epidural which was so great. After waiting forever I finally got the epidural around 11am and was able to rest. I did not like how my legs went numb and I still felt faint contractions for awhile and the numbness switched in legs. I also had to have a catheter which was unpleasant.

Around 1:30 I felt different and pressure in my butt and asked the nurse to call the doctor..she checked me and found I was almost 10cm...I had to wait for the last lil bit to dilate which seemed like forever. They turned the epidural off and it was pushing time. Around 2:45pm they let me start pushing which was exciting and both hard work. I knew we were closer to seeing our beautiful baby but it still was painful and scary. The thing that kept me going was the encouraging nurses and my husband encouraging me and looking so happy. He was watching and the smile on his face was priceless. Anytime I felt like giving up I saw him looking so happy and saying "sweety she is almost here"...that helped me a lot. I was not so good at pushing at first...I just wanted it over with so I pushed anytime I could, but then they instructed me to push only when a contraction came. After an hour the doctor was thinking of giving me a little bit of pitocin to push things along...I did not want this though and I am glad I did not end up needing it. I started pushing with all my might and got the hang of it...even after nineteen hours of labor I somehow found energy to push her out. As the baby started to crown they let me touch her hair which was a great experience and when Sadie Lynn finally entered the world I was both in shock and amazement that this was my baby that was in my belly for nine months and she was on me skin to skin. It was the best moment and I will never forget looking into her bright blue eyes and getting to hold her for the first time.

Dustin cut the cord and she was weighed...8lbs and 2 oz!! Big girl :) she also was 19 ½ inches long and had tons of hair! She still has tons of dark brown hair and green/blue eyes. My recovery was slow...nobody warned me how much it hurts afterward! But after about a month I felt more like myself and breastfeeding was going great and still is!

I am very happy with the overall care and treatment we received at the hospital..the nurses followed our birth plan and respected our space and wishes. And Sadie Lynn is a healthy, energetic, and happy 7 ¾ month old!! She is our joy and I still find myself just amazed at this lil miracle God blessed us with.